Benjamin's Book Shelf

Benjamin's Book Shelf
Cardboard Books	Author
Wherever You Are	Nancy Tillman
On the Night You Were Born	Nancy Tillman
King Jack and the Dragon	Peter Bently
Backyard Dance	Sandra Boynton
Going to Bed Book	Sandra Boynton
The Hat	Jan Brett
I Love you Stinky Face	Lisa Mc Court
Guess How Much I Love You Little Library	Sam McBratney
Farm	DK Touch and Feel
Ghosts in the House	Kazino Kahara
Paperback and Hardcover
LoveYou Forever	Robert Munsch
The Very Hungry Catepillar	Eric Carle
From Head to Toe	Eric Carle
The Crown on Your Head	Nancy Tillman
	Deborah Underwood
I Love You Through and Through	Bernadette Rosetti Shustak
Sleepy Time Rhyme	Remy Charlys
ABC NYC	A book about SEEING NYC
Sleepy Time Songs	Peter Yarrow Songbook and CD
Auntie Claus	Elise Primavera

The 43rd day of 42 days - Success - or failure?

43 days ago I started on a journey with a committment to myself to live the next 6 weeks intentionally with a few goals thrown in.
Well, today is the day after  - and so a little reflection is called for.

I had "intended" to structure my time to be more productive and get some things  off  " THE LIST ".
So what did I do - and what didn't I?

I did not read the Bible every day.
I did not walk my dog every day.
I did not excercise every day - or any day that I can remember.
I did not loose 26 pounds, or 20  or even 2.
I did not manage to keep up with the lawn or the garden or the house.
I did not post a blog post everyday of 42  days.

And so, I can call this promise to myself a broken promise  ------

or

I can look at what I DID do.

I DID walk with the Lord every step of everyday or 42 days
I DID give my dog abundant love and attention.
I DID keep moving and tend this achy body and all the needs it had in this heat wave.
I DID NOT gain any weight - that's something.  That's alot actually.
I DID post as I felt called.
I DID pick sugar snap peas and black caps with the kids and the tomatoes and squash are ripening before our very eyes amidst the weeds.
and most importantly I DID live intentionally, making active choices and taking stock of them as I went along.

Here is what else I DID do.

I did travel to Virginia with my oldest son Billy to help the next son and his wife prepare to move to Italy for three years with the military.
While I was there I did get to celebrate Lorelai's 6th birthday.
I did drive to Pennsylvania to get Axel, the olderst grandchild for a few weeks in NY with this part of his family.
I did grumble about wet towels and such but also played and enjoyed the company of one heck of a teenager.  I did take him to the lake to show him how to row a boat on the most amazing of blue skyed days.
I DID drive to  New Jersey and hug a son returned from duty in Bahrain and while there
I DID baptize Lorelai Elizabeth and Jonah Rosario into the fellowhip of God's family among generations of family who love them.
I did, help paint and restore the fellowship hall in the basement of our church and I did recognize that Olivia was a way better choice to wield a paint brush than I am and I am right about that  - she is doing a great job. I DID tell her that.
I DID ask for help when I needed it to get me through a financial crisis and I honored my agreement with the person who helped.
I did send cards of support to a dear friend's brother who is facing his own demons with grace and dignity.
I did attend my Aunt's memorial service and visit with the grandelders of my father's side of the family.
I did sit with a family at the bedside of a great lady who was preparing to die and help them wade the deep dark waters of saying good bye. 
I did set up tables and help with flowers and brew real iced tea and doctor real lemonade and witness that good bye.
I did gather blueberry bush trimmings to adorn the flower arrangements for the friend who could not be there but who's memories are from the garden time shared with our friend.
I did speak my heart as the Holy Spirit led and hopefully open the path for supporting a new widow who is older than I am but whose loss is the greater for the number of years she was with her beloved.
I did stay gracious as another mother whose feelings are hurt set about to hurting my daughters feelings on a special day for her.
I did celebrate with family as we prepare to welcome the newest grandchild into our family.
I did get time with three little darlings so their mommas could rest up and get ready for yet another special day.
I did make 8 dozen deviled eggs for these various events
And I did say "have a great day " as the kids headed out to Zoom Flume  - and I  DIDN'T go along.

So, my house is a mess, the lawn is overgrown the garden has more weeds than anything, my Bible is unopened, my dog and I are fat and lazy, but.....

The DIDs win!! and they win by a landslide.  The didn'ts matter and they stay on the list, but the did's add up to alot of living. Lordy, Lordy how many intenional and exceptional blessings have been packed into the last 42 days! Seems like success with a little failure thrown in, not the other way around.

What's next?  Well, as I look at my calendar I count and I see that this baby is due about 42 days from now and that gives me hope that the 42 days from now til then can be jampacked with the didn't get toos and the wanna do's. 

Follow along - I may just blog about it.

Day Thirty of Forty Two

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.
Fourteen days ago, on Day 16, I posted on my blog page that I would resume my daily posts  - tomorrow. 

Thirteen tomorrows have come and gone, and no posts. How does that happen?  How does tomorrow turn in to today and become yesterday without our promises to ourselve being fulfilled?

That is part of this 42 Day process for me.  Determining where I go off course? what is it that truly Matters to me and why it is not on the top of the list of accomplishments every single day without fail?

This is what I know at this moment in time.

On each of those thirteen days there was joy.  I had some fun along the way. 
On each of them I made some good choices - and some poor ones - and one or two downright bad ones. I hurt a few feelings and had mine hurt too, but there was awareness and forgiveness and laughter and love left us all in a good place to try again - with courage.
On each of them I had good company and enjoyed their presence on my journey of life, I laughed out loud and said I love you in a million ways to those most important to me.

This is what else I know.
I took a crisis of sorts ( no worry for me or us needed   - an easy crisis in the crisis heirarchy ) for me to honor my determination to walk this journey in complete and total faith in the Lord.
That crisis lead me to gratitude not despair - thanks to my many friends and wonderful family.
My garden, which was to be THE THING I WAS DOING, has as many weeds as flowers - but - it is florishing with black caps that are divine and the sugar snap pea crop was delicious and those plants are pulled making room for another promise space.  - or more weeds depending.....
I weigh the very same as I did when I started so I am no closer to my weight goal than on Day One- but no farther away either .  A  draw on the scale but a dissapointment none the less.

And this is the most important thing I know.  Today is a new day. The weather is giving us a little break, and the sun is shining.  I am loved and I have many to love in return. I am blessed.

And, it is only Day Thirty - twelve to go.  See you tomorrow .

Day 7 - 8 - 9  of 42

All work and no play makes Beverly a dull girl

True, funny story - I posted on face book that all work and no play was making me a dull girl.
My 14 year old grandson, Axel Henry, a brilliant, amazing, kid, posted back

" It made you a dull girl a while ago, grandma bevy" 

I laughed out loud.  Belly laughed. 
How wonderful to have a grandson who banters, who is witty, who is so comfortable in our relationship that he can push the envelope - just a little but is in fact, loving and respectful, and funny.

But.....

If there is a grain of truth in every thing, what is the grain of truth in this silly little bit of Facebook banter?

Am I all work and no play? Am I, heaven forbid, dull?

I made a committment to make intentional choices for 42 days and see what I learned in that time and if my choices serve my purpose.

I spent days 7, 8 and 9 of 42 Days choosing to work - (with a broken toe ). I worked extra hours in other departments taking away from time to write, to rest, to go to church even. Why?

The truth is I was scheduled to work a four day stretch to accomodate vacation time coming up.
The truth is we were very short staffed and had a heavy census.  And so in spite of the stretch ahead, I worked even more - for not enough more money.- and gave up plans to do other things. Why? To help out the people I work with day to day.  To serve the purpose of honoring my committment  - and habit - of service to others where I can when I can. 

The bigger question , the one I am spending 42 days examining, is - did this choice serve my here and now 62 year old purpose?   Was there a better choice? Is there another calling for my time and talents as I turn 63 and 64 and 65..... or are these in fact good, honorable, worthy choices that I make? 

Now there are choices in choices.  In spite of the extra time, I continued to make better choices on what I was going to eat, I kept some other committments and I did write every day with the writing coach, just not here.  I slept in when I could and I slathered that toe that was working way too hard with soothing balms when it wasn't shoved in a shoe. And I breathed in awareness.

Oh, and I laughed, out loud, long and hard, when I read my dear, sweet Axel's reply.

I will show him. He is coming here next week.  He will not find a dull gramma bevy, but a sparlking diamond of a old broad.  I choose that.
  

Day 6 of 42

The PeAr becomes and  APpLe

I was always a pear.  I just was.  Actually I was a ruler for a long time   Straight up and down, no boobs, no belly, hips just big enough to start holding babies by 8 and having em by 18.
The pear came along in it's time.  Soft but not squishy, still a size ten and then 12,   I was fine with that.  I like being tall, I like being flat chested..... I liked being a pear. 

And then, one morning when I wasn't paying attention, I got to be an apple. It was never my goal. 
It was like a  pillow that got stuck to me when I got up one morning but I recognized it right away for what it was.  Belly Fat.  That fat that you know, you just know, is the minefield of all the commercials and magazine articles about RISK.  Risk of diabetes, risk of heart disease, risk of stroke - who sent me this unwanted gift anyway????????????

A lean and lanky kid in the 50's I did all the things in the famililar facebook blog about heading out the door after breakfast and coming home for dinner. 
I played hopscotch and jumprope, climbed trees, rode a bike miles at a time, swam in the local swimming hole. 
Then there were the chores. Walking to the grocery store - and back with bags of groceries.  Vacuuming and scrubbing floors on Saturday morning - before cartoons once we got a TV.
Mowing and raking, picking apples, making pies. All that.  Just like every other kid I was friends with.

That all served me well past my 50's and into my sixties.  I was the wife and mother who helped put on the new roof, chopped wood, drove the truck without power - anything. I had natural childbirth four times without too much fuss.  Nursed em all and carried them on my back or pushed the wheelbarrow full of them to the parades and ball games. Now I truck the grandbabies around and we garden and make bread and do and do and do.

So how come the pear decided to abandon me now after all these years? and what to do, oh, what to do about the apple?

bevelry.

Day 5 of 42

Lists and Kindnesses

I am in the middle of a writing process with my friend and writing coach, mary anne radmacher.
This week we are doing "lists". She assigns us a list to keep during the day and we keep it.

I am inately a list maker.  To do lists of every form and variety have graced my pockets and purses.  I am partial to 3x5 cards, but any lined paper will do.   (blank paper scares me - It leaves too much room for chaos and a list is NOT chaotic.)

List sharing this week has lead to many kindnesses. 

My recent lists  yielded -
 a ride to a medical appointment - and home - to find the lawn mowed.
a drive way filled with cobblestone in exchange for a neighbor using my yard to get to his.
and a snail mail package filled with clothes that will fit while I sort out my body shape at 62.

All kindnesses that came from expressing needs listed on the list. 

hmmmmm.

maybe the most important part isn't making the list - maybe it is in sharing what you learn you need when you make it. 

Food for thought.
bevelry

Day 4 of 42

My refridgerator is almost empty. 

If you open the door, the light will come on and you will find
A Brita pitcher of cold water
one half empty container of vanilla greek yogurt.
half and half that will probably curdle if you put it in coffee
butter.
1/2 dozen eggs
three juice box size boxes of milk
one can of tuna
a tupperware container with some left over steak
carrots  - oldish carrots
a few hunks of a variety of cheeses that are older than the carrots
and condiments

When I was a young mother and pay day was days away and this happenned I would make big bowls of jello and if the kids said " there is nothing to eat"  - I could say - "There is not nothing, there is jello. "

                                                      *******************

If how you spend your days is, of course, how you spend your life ( Annie Dillard ) then.....

WHat you have in your refridgerator is, of course, what you will eat.

Well, payday is tomorrow and I am on day 4 of 42 days of good choices so I have to make some - good choices that is - not cookies I guess.

It is always tempting to try a structured "diet", to count calories or grams of fat, or carbs, but instead I think I will head to the greengrocer and fill my refriderator with glorious color.

Strawberries are in season here in Upstate New York.  Spring greens are abundant.  Kathleens ducks are laying multicolored eggs. Sugar Snaps peas are fresh and local and yum.  I think I will choose that today.

Gotta Go, my oldest son Billy, is mowing the lawn for me and he has chosen steak and eggs - a wise choice from the available menu. 

bevelry

Day 3 of 42

What's so "Bad" about the bad days

What is a bad day anyway?
In the global sense, truly, I have had very few bad days.
As my dear friend Peta taught me - "every day can't be the worst day" and I am healthy, don't live in a war zone, can and do work, and have  family and friends to love and who love me.

And so, perspective must reign. 

My daily perspective is joy and gratitude and a sense of abundance so how does "bad" fit into that ?

Well, if I am honest, "bad" is where I am self indulgent.  It is the place in my life that is all about me-
Bad days are the days I never touch the Bible, Eat like a mowing machine without discretion or thought - and often without enjoyment - stay up too late and fall asleep in the computer chair putting my new metal neck at risk.
Bad are the times that I reflect on the fact that I have once again bitten every nail to the quick on a drive that only took ten minutes. Nail biting at 62 - what a dissapointment I am - to myself.
Bad are the days that I have bought lunch for expedience and gastronomical delight only to be left with the indigestion of a bill that can't be paid - yet.
Emma, the canine I have chosen to love, thinks a bad day is one when we haven't ventured out exploring.
Bad are the days that I go to bed wishing I had done it differently. 

39 more days to get in the habit of abstemiousness mixed with excess without regret.

Join me.  So far it's fun.

bevelry

Day 2 of 42 days

What IS a "good " day?


Time with God. Time in The Word. Time in Prayer . Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication.

"good " choices.  about food. about money. about time.  "Good" being the ones that feel right AFTER you make them.  That digest well.  That set you on the rigth path throughout the day.

Kindness. Snail mail sent.  Stickers in the mail to a wee one. A thank you note. An invitation.
A phone call returned.

A day filled with gratitude, noticing the joy that surrounds us.

more later...........

                                             42 Days

I am in debt.  I am seriously overweight.
 I am in a pattern of squandering nickles and dimes and time.

I am blessed with abundant joy.  I am able to work and am employed. I am healthy AND, I am able to make different choices.

And so, inspired by my friend and writing coach mary anne radmacher who often shares the quote of Annie Dillard, "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our life."  starting today, for 42 days, I will pay attention to how I "spend my days".

I am not going on a diet and I am not planning to hock my precious things to get out of jail free but I am going to "live with intention" ( another mary anne gift of words ) or at least sit up and take notice instead of plodding along with a sense of dissatisfaction not so much about the path I am on but about whether or not that path is going where I want to go.

I may not change anything - I may change one thing - or two- or many, but I am hoping after 42 days that I will have a clearer view of  how  my choices are affecting how I want to spend the rest of my life. mary anne also offerred me a word to try on - abstemious.  I am going to see how that word fits into my life choices.

For the next 42 days I will also write every day.  I will record my observations, whether my choices have been "good" ones or "bad" ones measured by how they keep me on the staight path or lead me down a path of adventure or "mis" adventure. Have I been generous? too generous? or too stingy?  Have I been kind? Have I been a martyr? Have I been self indulgent or restrained?

I will share my observation here  unless they are a little too raw for sharing, instead needing to be digested before I "aire my dirty linens" as my Grandma Maude used to say.

I chose 42 days for a reason.  In 42 days, on July 20th we will be having a baby shower for my youngest daughter.  She is expecting my 6th grandchild (or 9th if you count them by who you love not by genetic make up). I would like to wear a pretty dress in a size that feels more comfortable.  I would like to shower her with gifts that don't make me fret about finances. I would like to welcome that wee one, probably the last, into a life with lots of time dedicated to being the best "Gramma Bevy" I can be.

Stay tuned.  It should be a fascinating 42 days. 
Just so you know -  I started it with Ice Cream. !!!!

Epiphany

I am packing away Christmas.  I wait until the dusk of Epiphany to do so.  Like children waiting for Santa, I find I must wait until the wise men have arrived and gazed upon the babe in the manger before I can tuck away the treasures that adorn the house telling the Christmas story. 
I wander from room to room feasting my eyes one last time on assorted Nativity sets that depict the Holy Family in wood and stone, in copper and plastic and  in pure, white bisque.

This year for Advent I have gifted my darling five year old granddaughters each with their own collectible Nativity set. I so want the girls to feel as I do about them.  More important than Elf on the Shelf, as significant a part of the celebration as learning to give as well as receive, I want to give them a piece of myself.  Theirs are little pastel colored versions complete with camel and donkey, sheep and shepherd, angels and wise men.

Ah, Wise Men. 

It is a reflective year. For the first time in many years all of my children, their spouses and mates, and their children - all five of my precious grandchildren - have gathered and now have scattered. They came bearing gifts and goodies, bundles and boxes - and the dreaded stomach bug that then plagued us for days from home to home and state to state.  We shared carefully chosen presents, a simple holiday feast, the company of friends who came to meet the newest, sweet baby  and introduce their own wee one - and germs;  we shared all kinds of germs. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times as only a Christmas with four generations including a newborn and an eighty three year old matriarch  and her sister, our cherished aunt, and contagion can be.

 Fear is a miserable traveling companion, a terrible guest at a family gathering. Illness and the fear of illness for wee ones and matriarchs chases away  joy.  It is like a bitter after dinner drink attempting to spoil the anticipation that has built into delight only to be stolen by this uninvited tyrant.

And so, as I pack up Christmas this year in the wake of all that emotion both spilled out and contained,  I listen to We Three Kings, I wrap my treasures in tissue  paper and bubble wrap, I sip my tea and I ponder the first Christmas.  How exciting and how fraught with fear it must have been. 
A long journey for that young mother with no reservation for a birthing bed at the other end. A husband wanting to take  the best care of  his wife and newborn who could find only a stable with warm hay for rest. A wicked, worldly king threatening harm. So very much fear mixed in with the joy.  And still, so very much joy. 

And then, weeks later, the Wise Men came bearing gifts for the babe, the king in a manger. They brought Gold and Frankincense and Myrrh. Important gifts for this baby. Gifts that he would need.  

I pick up each cherished item in my home - many of them Christmas gifts to me. I  think about who gave them to me and who it is I wish  to have them when I am gone. Who will cherish what I cherish? Who will want this Nativity, this ornament, this angel?  I want to pass these on. I want to know that my children and grandchildren will enjoy what has brought me so much pleasure and so many memories.  And then I think about the greatest gift of all and I know that more than having my my "things" to hold, I want my precious children and grandchildren to hold Christmas in their hearts.

And so this is my gift to you this Epiphany as I reflect and pack away my treasures.

Remember always, always, always to keep Christ in Christmas.  Use the nativities to tell the story. Tell it often.  A broken Nativity is better than a dusty one.

Gather. Travel to see one another whenever you can. 

Fear is a miserable traveling companion; a terrible guest at the table.  It does not always bring out the best in us.  Forgive one another for things said and done whether in  fear or with the best of intentions that turned out badly. If you do, Joy will triumph.

Thank you for a wonder-filled Christmas.  Thank you to those who traveled and those who gathered.
Thank you for the gifts of love, of time, of treasure.  Thank you for the gift of forgiveness.
Thank you for filling my life with the Joy of Christmas.


Love, Mom.